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Ich fühle mich wie ein wirklich unbedeutend dummkopf
mood: 
lonely
lonelyNot only that, but I pretty much got told that I'm an idiot infront of my whole class PLUS all the boys the morning irrigation class, at school today! And now I have to go to special catch-up tutorials, where they are going to treat us like babies and start with the real basics and teach us shit that I either don't need for my work or already know.
I hate feeling like a moron, especially in front of my friends and colleagues. Oh well, at least I'm not the only one that has to go to the tutorials... Some of my friends/colleagues in my class have to go too. Although, I'm not quite sure if they are going to the exact same ones as me.. I really hope they are. =)
Not only that but... Don't tell Spike, but sometimes he makes me feel like an idiot too.. He's soooo much smarter that me, but he always puts himself down and says that he's dumb. If he's dumb, and still way more intelligent than me then how fucking stupid must I be?!! And whenever I make a mistake or slip of the tongue he makes a big deal out of it and pays me out about it, and then goes an tells his friends about it. I know he's trying to make light of it and let me know that it's okay to make mistakes by laughing laughing it off, but I don't like it.
I hate telling Spike off or saying that I don't like something that he says or does, cause then he feels like he's done something wrong, and hurt my feelings and that I'll hate him and'll get really angry and leave him. Which of course is not at all true. But he still hates himself and gets quite upset if he thinks that he's annoyed me. And then I feel bad for seeing him so upset. And then he gets upset that I'm upset. And it spirals down and down, un till I tell him "It's okay. I'm not angry at you. I could be angry at you. I love you." And then after some reassurance it's all fine again.
He's gone out tonight. I wish was with him. I'm still a bit upset about what happened at school, and I was having a bad morning before I even got to school.. Oh, and I was late for school. So my day's been pretty shit the whole day through.
The three best parts of today -
1) Spike came to school for lunch and met everyone (sort of)! =D That was awesome. I'm so glad that he gets along with my friends at CIT. He likes Fanta, which GREAT! And Fanta likes him too, he said so in class after lunch. It was quite funny. David, Fanta and I were sitting next to each other, and Fanta says to David (who has hung out with Spike and my friends before, but Fanta didn't know that), "Hey guess what? I got to meet Spike today, jealous? I like him, he's pretty cool. Too bad you weren't there to meet him." David and I look at each other and like "LOL!".
2) I finished my computing class at 3 and stayed in the lab till 4, which was the same time Juz finished his test in irrigation class. After everyone in his class had finished their tests I joint their class for the fun of it. At 5 Julz gave me a lift home. We were laughing pretty much all the way home. When we got here, Julz wanted me meet my dog Poppy, and take her for a walk. We went to the park, and sung on the swings and went of the see-saw, and slid down the slide and joked around, and spoke about friends/family/work/school and other random stuff. It was good talking to him.
3) Every hug from Spike made me happy, as they always do.. Being with Spike makes me happy. So of course his hugs were one of the best parts of my (crappy) day.
quixotic
frustrated
bouncy
